Hey

Ok so this is a crap knee update...
I went to my appointment to see what we found on the MRI.
Unfortunately to little time had passed in-between MRI and this appointment so the scans hadn't reviewed by a specialist yet.
But from what they could tell there was a minor cartilage damage which is new.
Anyway let's start from the beginning.
I come in there not expecting a check up just a sit down discussing the results, but I was wrong.
So normally I would wear appropriate underwear such as covering Hot pants! yeah this was not the case now.
So improvising by tying my cardigan around my waist, this was a good idea as three doctors enter the room, not just one, no....three!
Never a good sign.

And it didn't sit any better with me when they start the conversation with " we just can't seem to wrap our heads around this knee of yours"
Which in human talk means, they don't really know how to fist it.

So there I am thinking of how many more years of increasing knee pain I have to look forward to.
We discussed one type of operation which would be an implant to mimic the shape a normal knee cap has. Usually the knee cap ( the little ball ) rests on a triangular base, and therefor stays in place. My base it totally flat with no edges which is where the cartilage would be but has been worn off.
So with this moving around it grinds and therefor hurts.
Meniscus is slightly damaged and theres a little bump in the bone.

Anyway, this operation is apparently very brutal as they so beautifully put it and can only be done in Bristol at this point.
So this is not on the chart yet.
Then they ask me what I want to do...I said, something so that the pain will stop.

They said I will have to wait 6 weeks so they can speak to specialists and go from there.
Then one of the doctors sat down next to me and asked if I could consider being a study "object" due to having such an interesting knee as he put it.
This means students will have to examine my knee more than once, look, squeeze.
And this is probably the scariest thing for me, I always cover my face with my hands so scared they're king to dislocate my kneecap.
But my situation is obviously not textbook so if I can help them to learn then i feel I have to.

So that's it. No solution. I was sort of hoping they would see something and then there would be a clear plan and a booked date for fixing it.
But no.
So how many more years do I have to walk around with pain?

I am so emotionally exhausted in this situation. I just don't want this anymore.
i want to be able to run just for fun, or walk normally in a crow without being afraid someone might push my leg and the knee pops out.
Or just having one day without a migraine amount of pain in my joint.
I'm only 32 yrs old after all not 60!

Anyway, I am now going to hit a deadline.
Talk to y'all later.